is your mom at the bar?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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