I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
