Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
