Who did Billy Mays play for?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
