I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
