And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
