This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
