Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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