He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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