I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
