I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
