Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
