This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it's great music for shaving your balls
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
