My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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