Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
