Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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