he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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