He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
