At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Randomize
