I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
