You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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