So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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