its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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