I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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