I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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