Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
