i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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