He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
