I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
