I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
