if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
