Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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