I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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