You made me cry and you don't even care
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
