I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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