I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
