last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
