my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
