everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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