please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
