So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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