not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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