I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
