Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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