i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
