picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
