How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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