So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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