well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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