ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
